​Vanessa Soumettre for KNKI​ app​

So you wanna be a Dom? BDSM and kinky lifestyles often include the use of toys. We aren't talking tinker toys we mean whips and chains and other instruments of (consensual) pain. There are crops, and floggers. People use spreader bars and ball gags. The list of items one might purchase from an adult retailer to bring the pain might just have your household budget calling: RED. 
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Say you have a fetish for restraining or being restrained. Got rope? I don't mean twine - although there are uses for the smaller strands. I am talking about 100 feet or more of 1/2 inch braided nylon for under $2. It is already treated, it is already braided. You can purchase it in different colors to match your shoes or necktie.  The cashier won't give you a second look and unlike handcuffs it won't set off the metal detector at the airport.

If impact play is more your style, using objects to hit your willing partner, allow me to direct you to aisle 6. We are gonna walk past the purple paint with Scotchguard and grab a handful of those paint stirrers they give you for free. Yes I said free. One of the wonderful things about being kinky is that just about anything is pervertible. Use one for a little sensation play or take eight of them, secure them with that twine from the above paragraph and you've just created a homemade cane.

Is your play a little more sexual in nature? Is your kink making your woman orgasm and squirt until exhaustion? You're gonna want some tarp. Pick the size that fits over your king size mattress, plug in that Hitachi vibrator and never sleep in the wet spot again.  Most can be laundered in a washing machine, and have eyelets on the sides you can use to secure it tightly. (another use for that twine) Before you leave the store, stop in aisle 12 and grab a surge protector. When you plug in that Hitachi you also want to make sure your fun isn't interrupted by a blown house fuse.

Some of us like to play in a more hands on manner. Did you know that you can purchase prefabricated stairs at your store? You can purchase them in parts, they can be cut to order. Add a little padding, a water resistant cover and you can have your very own spanking bench for a fraction of the cost buying of buying one outright. Your spankee can kneel in comfort while you let your hands do the talking on their bottom. 

Let's say your submissive has been a very bad girl, and not that good type of bad. I've heard that kneeling on rice is used. Have you considered using a carpet runner instead? Of course they sell the pretty type that are fashionable in 2015, but they also sell the old school plastic type your grandmother had on her stairs. Flip it over and have her kneel on the studded side. Your bad, bad baby boy submissive isn't likely to make the same transgression twice after this treatment. 

In just about every aisle of your big chain hardware store is something pervertible for your kinky needs. Why not make it a date night? Take your partner with you as you walk the aisles and let your kinky minds run wild. The best part is you get to go home and test drive all your new items together. 

​Vanessa Soumettre for KNKI​ app

The idea of fostering a deeper connection within a relationship is not new. Couples in search of the ultimate bonding experience at times consider a practice those outside of the kinky umbrella might find controversial; adult nursing.

The process often takes time to start if the woman is not already lactating. It takes discipline and commitment to produce a flow of milk that a partner can ingest. Similar to other bodily fluids one partner can pass STIs [sexually transmitted infections] to another.  So why do some choose this method to express their commitment to kink?

Increased intimacy is high on the list of those who choose this path. The couple is required to rest in close proximity to one another, often in a quiet and soothing environment.  Nursing at both breasts can take 30-45 minutes where the couple remain connected without interruption. Some describe the process as more intimate than sexual intercourse. The process of lactation can make a woman feel more feminine as she performs a function only women are designed to do.  The partner on the receiving end describes being cradled and cherished as benefits of the ANR relationship.

Prior to starting an ANR a couple should evaluate what it takes to make this type of connection work.  Is the woman healthy? Will she be able to lactate by suckling and massage only or will she seek the assistance of medication? How much time per day, yes per day, are they willing to commit to jump starting lactation? Similar to a child who nurses, a woman who produces breast milk for her partner needs consistent suckling to produce breast milk in a noticeable quantity. There are many things to consider before beginning, including are there any medications the woman is taking that she could pass to her partner through breast milk?

Adult nursing is a commitment of time with a reward of attachment. Sounds like a reasonable trade to me.

Would you ever consider an adult nursing relationship with your intimate partner?

Pour a little vanilla into your exploits. You and your partner rejected vanilla when you entered this life. You two won't even buy vanilla ice cream any longer you're so kinky. I'm not suggesting you go full vanilla bean, instead I am reminding you of what brought you together initially.  Kink is a part of your life, but only a part. Your attention and affection connected you two based on vanilla compatibility. Man cannot live on floggers alone. If it was politics that brought you together put the nipple clamps away and watch a Republican debate. If you bonded because you are both a member of Steeler Nation take your Terrible Towels to the local sports bar and cheer your team on loudly. Touching on your compatibility is a way to maintain your intimacy. When you maintain your intimacy a pleasant side effect is better physical expression of said intimacy.

Perform in front of an audience. There are play parties and dungeons all over the country.  If you look around you can probably find one right in your backyard. Pack your toy bag and join your fellow kinksters. Even if you don't play in public your first night out you've added a metric to that kinky thing you do. The sights and sounds alone can be arousing. If you do get to have a public S&M scene putting on a show can be an adrenaline rush, even a natural high. You can ride that high for hours or days keeping your baseline at home on a higher level.

What are some of the ways you've flipped the kinky script with your partner? ​